Motherhood!
Disclaimer: My friend Andy has been bugging me about not writing in a while. Interesting enough, I recently got really inspired to write again. I was talking to my friend Artur, and I discovered a lot about myself that I had never noticed or paid much attention to, so here it is.
The question of being a mother has always been answered very easily for me my whole life. I have always said that I don’t want kids, and that I want to be independent and work. I have never wanted to be “tied-down” to the house-wife concept. I avoided the topic of marriage and kids at all costs for the sake of ministry (1 Cor. 7). But my friend Artur challenged me a bit in regards to my thinking. At the time I was playing a game online so I was not paying much attention to the conversation (sorry Artur), but it got me thinking later on (hence this blog). Artur asked me something along the lines of, “you seriously wouldn’t want to stay home and take care of your kids?” My answer was, “of course I would take care of my kids!” But in the back of my head, I was actually thinking, “I would take care of my kids IF I had kids, and that’s why I just won’t have kids in the first place.” I did not really share this with Artur because I got to the boss of the game (hehe).
When I started thinking about it later, I wondered “why?” Why am I so against being a mother? First of all, I love little kids. And anyone who has seen me interact with kids can clearly see how great I am with them. So why not have my own? Secondly, I work with high school youth at my church and study about youth as well. For the most part, the youth that I put my time into have all responded positively towards me. Now I don’t attempt to downgrade mothering by comparing it to what I do in ministry, but I seriously do feel like I would make a great mother in the future.
However, I still have a huge desire to work, be a lawyer, and be involved with ministry. I don’t know how on the earth I would pull all that off if I had kids as well. But, since I still want to work and be involved with ministry, I guess I would have to be married to someone who was open to compromising certain aspects of his life as well. Why? Mostly because I feel that a strong father presence within the home is vital. I hate the idea of having a bread-winning father who doesn’t know his own kids. I hate the idea of a father working from sun-up till midnight, buying his kids the best stuff, but never talking to his kids about life. I’d rather my kids have a few less luxuries and be close to their father. I’d rather have both parents work, and both parents raise the kids together. Obviously, I do expect to play a more active role in the parenting than “the father” (whoever he may be), but you guys get what I mean.
Now, I don’t really know how this would all work out practically, but I would want a husband who would be willing to make life a litter harder on him and so that our kids have a more balanced upbringing. I strongly feel that kids should grow up knowing what a godly woman looks like, knowing what a godly man looks like, and knowing what godly relationships looks like. Practically speaking: at best, I can only imagine having a job that I could work from home or something. Like having a home office where I would work on my cases as a lawyer. And I would do my best to make any meetings or actual court dates during school hours or something. Or have my husband get off work on the rare occasion that I had to work after school. But like I said, I would need a husband who was open to that kind of lifestyle, and a strong man of God who would be able to lead me and be the head of the household. And just off that last note, I wanted to quote Artur again that, “most Christian women, no matter how strong or feminist, are willing to follow a man and let him lead, if there was a man strong enough to lead her.” That’s pretty much how I feel. I wouldn’t mind following a man if I trusted him and felt he was capable of and open to leading me. I just haven’t met many men like that. Anyway, that’s my little confession/rant about marriage, parenting, and family. I’d love to hear your opinions. How do you want to “do family life?”
Let me begin by completely agreeing with what you said. As you know, I did not have a father present while growing up, but the father my kids have has always been the leader of the house, a strong role model (even though he smokes hooka daily) and a great caretaker of our children. I appreciate his willingness to take part of the kids daily lives and to guide them in all aspects. I hope that you and others with a heart like yours will be able to soon fulfill your life with the most pleasurable title of “mom”.
Haha.. thanx Peggy.. you are actually one of my role models.. the way you run your household really inspires me.. and mike is also really awesome.. love you guys so much! and thanx for the comment =)